the.moral.muse

I.Cant.Believe.I.Never.Realized...

2010-01-26T22:31:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I never realized
How much he truly loves me...
Everyday without fail he is up before I wake
Lovingly watching me sleep...

And when I finally get out of bed
He is there waiting to help me on my way
Even when I don't have time to greet him
He still continues loving me anyway

I don't understand how he never gets tired
Because I call him all the time
And no matter how busy he could be
He is always ready to hear whats on my mind

And when I am working or going about my day
He sends me small reminders without cease
Just to make sure that I am certain of his love
So, that I can function not in stress but in peace

I can barely seem to fathom
How he can continue to patiently wait
When I've been too busy to even pause
To tell him that I loved him at all today

And regardless of mistakes in my past
He never stops seeing the best in me
Even at my worst and in my darkest hour
He still continues to invest in me

I can't bring myself to grasp
How sometimes I put him on trial
Even after days of not talking
He still manages to embrace me with a smile

And when I'm upset and alone at night
Unable to fall asleep because I can't stop the tears
He is readily on-call to come at my request
And gently whisper his love into my ear

I don't comprehend his ability
To see past the mess in my life
He keeps reassuring me of his role
To simply love me for the rest of my life

And sometimes I feel so overwhelmed
Because I never paid attention before
...never realized how much he knew about me
And how he longs to have me more

I can't believe I never realized
How much he truly loves me...
So much that he gave his own blood
To be sacrificed on calvary

And now I promise you God
That I will try to be the best I can be
I pledge my life, my love, and my body to you
...Because you first loved me

A SLAVE...and Proud to Be

2009-09-30T20:13:00.000-07:00

I am a slave. And I am proud to be a slave. I will venture as far to say, that I am a slave willingly. Wait....whoa whoa whoa. Run that back. A willing slave? Can that even exist? As oxymoronic as the term 'willing slave' sounds, I am here to share with you why I believe with everything in me that it is a complete honor to be...a slave.

It's 9.30.09 at approximately 7:15 p.m. The Youth Bible Study lesson is underway. It's supposed to be about the (Romans) Road to Salvation, but we have some interactive activities to do before we dive into the Word. We start off by showing the kids a slideshow presentation. 15 slides. All 15 slides have different images of Blacks in the olden days. All 15 slides show a different form of scarring, pain, and toil. All 15 slides are of Black slaves.

If you are reading this and you are Black, can you imagine what they had to go through? If you are reading this and you are not Black, can you imagine what they had to go through? All the beatings, floggings, lynchings, burnings, dismemberings...all for us (Black people) to have one thing - freedom. It makes me grateful. It makes me appreciative. It makes me want to do all that I can to pay it back. In my heart, I know that I (we as a people) owe them so much for enduring so much pain, so that I may live my life to the fullest enjoyment free of the burdens of the past.

Fast forward. It's 7:31 p.m. We watch the scene of Jesus' crucifixion from The Passion of the Christ. We watch as Jesus is beaten, whipped, taunted, spat upon, kicked, and degraded. We watch as Jesus is pierced and nailed to the cross....never saying a mumbling word. All because he was sent, to bear our sins.

If you are reading this, and you are a Christian, can you imagine what Jesus had to go through? If you are reading this, and you are not a Christian, do you know what Jesus went through? All of the beating, flogging, whipping, pain, suffering....all for us (everyone who believes in him) to have one thing - eternal life. It makes me more than grateful, it makes my heart weep with sadness because Jesus shouldn't have had to endure the cross and bear my sins, but it also gives me great joy. After all Jesus came, so that I could have life and have it more abundantly.

Fast forward. It's 7:43 p.m. The kids start an open dialogue about how seeing the images of our ancestors made them feel. We discuss how picturing our grandmothers and grandfathers being beaten would make us feel. Beaten so that our parents could make a better life for us. It brings some of us to tears....I mean can you really picture in your mind: your own grandma being whipped over and over just for being Black...My heart aches to even fathom someone laying a hand on my grandma. With tears forming, droplets falling past the eyelids, kids are starting to realize how much deeper what Jesus did for us really is. We are all instantly overcome with emotions...spirits filled with His presence....totally in love with God. God did us the greatest favor by sending the ultimate sacrifice, the blameless, sinless Son of Man, to bear all of our vices, shortcomings, and sins....Jesus paid it all. So, why would we not live for him? Why would we not be proud of being a Christian? Why would we ever hesitate to share the good news with other people who may or may not be saved? How could we, knowing what Jesus did, ever be ashamed or unwilling to 'take up the cross and follow him'?

As for me...I lovingly, graciously, blessedly, humbly accept the call to Christianity and discipleship....because you know what? It didn't have to be me. It didn't have to be me that was raised in the Church. It didn't have to be me that came from a long line of God fearing men and women. But, most importantly, Jesus didn't have to die for me (for us) - yet He did...So, for that reason, I am God's willing and eager servant...ready and excited to go anywhere and say anything for His glory and to help in the effort of salvation of the lost....extremely honored to be a slave....God's slave...and proud to be.

An Instant of Selfishness.

2009-08-29T19:17:00.001-07:00

I never really considered myself to be a selfish person...but then again, before tonight, I guess I had never given it substantial thought. Tonight, I've been humbled yet again...and not at an easy cost.

You know how sometimes you can want something so bad that you soon find yourself with tunnel vision (perhaps without realizing it)? I found myself wanting to spend time with one of my friends today. We hadn't kicked it in a good while, and we had agreed we would try to hang out this weekend. I knew that my weekend would be rather relaxing, but still I looked forward to chill time with a good friend.

By the time 9 o'clock p.m. rolled around, and still no word...I became a little agitated. I had been looking forward to fellowshipping...clearly, I spend a lot of time on my own these days. Anyway, I tried to remain patient, but still my frustate-o-meter was rising ever so slightly with the progression of time.

Then, bam...I got the the text saying 'I won't be able to hang out, my Sister isn't responding.' My friend, whose Sister was in the hospital, now had way more to be thinking about than merely hanging out with me. I felt so bad. Why hadn't I considered all of this before? I had known that she was in the hospital. I had known that the family had come down to be with her. I had known that it wasn't anything minor...that she was seriously sick. But still, I was concerned with hanging out, socializing...only concerned about me and my time.

The cold realization that I would be devastated if my Brother was in the hospital, let alone maybe even going on to be with the Lord, made me sick to my stomach. And here I am texting to find out when we would be hanging out....as I so often say, WHO DOES THAT?

Rite about now, I feel slightly embarrassed. I didn't realize that I could be the least bit self-absorbed. I mean, I know we all have our moments...but goodness, am I slipping? I am resolving to always consider others before myself at all costs now. My Pastor always says in order to have JOY you must use J.O.Y. That means keeping Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself last...I guess that is a strategy I will have to employ much, much more in my life.

Final thought...if you haven't given much thought to being selfish, chances are you need to think about self less and become more selfless. Even the tiniest bit of being more concerned for yourself, if only for a moment, can make you lose sight of giving a second measure of concern for the welfare of others. I'm not saying that its not okay to never think about your own wants and needs, but just make sure that if other people are involved, that you think about their wants and needs just as much as, more than, or even before your own....an instant of selfishness, could be at the cost of someone else's life.

Unmistakably, Inevitably…

2009-08-25T19:38:00.001-07:00

While you consider in wonderment
The very desire which you’ve prayed for most
I watch patiently smiling
Instead of attempting to boast

As you continue pressing pause
Keeping your efforts deliberately stalled
I stand, as a pillar of faith
Because my name has already been called

In the midst of your clouded thoughts
Over-analyzed judgements and decisions
I press onward
Never losing sight of the vision

While you silently self-assess
Bracing yourself, building up your nerve
I meditate on what I already know
As promised in God’s Word

As you prepare yourself
Always staying on guard
I continue loving
And opening my heart

In the midst of waiting on your sign
My confirmation has already come true
And all that I’ve waited for
Is unmistakably, inevitably…you.

I Took an 'L' For God...

2009-08-12T19:44:00.000-07:00

I begin tonight's blog with a long exhale....sighing, gathering my thoughts, and praying all in one breath. Somehow finding solace in my momentary prayer and deep draw of oxygen, I share with you a lesson that I've learned.

If there's one thing I know, after 25 years of living, it is that the devil never sleeps. Don't mistake this statement to mean that I think he is more aware than God, because God is omnipresent and omniscient! Ever present and all knowing! But that devil...oh he works hard to make us falter. That devil...oh he works overtime when there is a good work going on in the name of the Lord! Today, I must admit that he almost got me for the okie-doke.

Tonight was another Youth Bible Study night. I had the lesson all planned out. I had a new structure and incentives laid out to make the lesson more fun, interactive, and appealing to my wonderfully apathetic tween/teenage boys and girls. So, I begin the lesson, and the children were actually being very attentive and quiet...I thought to myself "Wow, they are actually behaving themselves." Instantly, I relaxed myself (I was a little all over the place from a long day at work) and set in for a comfortable lesson about relying and trusting in God (Proverbs 3:4-5). In that second..in that solitary decision to not be on my absolute p's and q's...the devil found his way into the lesson. The moment I was lulled into a false sense of security that the devil so frequently uses to fake us into his snares, he attacked! The kids began to act terribly! The attitude shift in the room took a dramatic turn for the worst. Kids began back talking, yelling at one another, hitting one another, laughing, playing, etc (all the things you KNOW you wouldve gotten a whoopin for)....

Soon enough, I had lost my patience. I had lost my resolve. I had forgotten the reason that I was even there in the first place. I became frustrated. Frustration led to irritation. Irritation soon blossomed into full on disdain! Instead of reprimanding the class, I dismissed them in anger. I didn't stand there and be the example of a leader that I should have been. I didn't react in a manner in which I felt was the most Godly. I did the exact opposite of what the lesson was about, further discrediting my witness as a good Christian. I so took an 'L' for God.

I left the church feeling slightly defeated and highly heated. How could they be so rude? So blatantly disrespectful? How could they not see the sacrifice of those who want them to have a good relationship with God?....The minute that thought entered into my mind, tears stung my eyes. Not because I was upset with them, but because I was upset with me. The key word was sacrifice. God sent His Son, sacrificed Him...for us, so that we may have life...so that we could be saved...so that we could make it to Heaven one day. My time spent with the children wasnt for me...but it was for God. I wasn't sacrificing my time for me...I was doing it for God. In my anger, I had lost sight of that. All I could think about was how ungrateful the kids were acting, but really I should have been looking at myself. If I wanted to inspire spiritual change among the children, then I needed to be the change....and I failed. I failed them..and I almsot failed God. I almost let the devil rejoice in victory because the lesson I was trying to teach didn't go as planned. But I take back the victory in the name of God because I know that next time I will deal with the children differently. I will trust that God see's my efforts and will see me through. I will know that the only thing that matters is that God is love, and that is the image that I should mirror as a spiritual leader for the Youth.

So...yeh, I took an 'L' for God tonight. But it wasn't a Loss. It could have been...especially if I had let the devil get the best of me. Instead, I took a Lesson for God. My lesson was in Love. Because He loves me, He saved me..and He continues to save me everyday of my life. It is because of this, that I love God with all of my heart, and I will be back next wednesday to teach the kids another lesson, so that their love for Him can grow as well....

To Know = To Love??? That is the question....

2009-08-05T20:58:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny how working with kids can lead to the most thought provoking conversations sometimes? I am finding more and more that something in their limited life experience, naive mindsets, and sheltered environments allows their minds to not be as fogged with jaded memories, broken promises, and empty dreams....anyway, I digress.

The subject for now is Knowing vs. Loving. Just the other day, I was trying to think of a keynote message to add to my google profile (yes, I'm googleable lol). I wanted to make it brief yet profound...so I settled upon saying, "To know me is to love me." In all of my interwoven idiosyncracies and confusing complexities, it is my honest opinion that if you truly know me, then you also love me.

Tonight during Youth Bible Study, I was talking to the kids (ages 12 to 16) about getting to know God better. The verse came from James 4:8 (Draw near to the Lord, and He will draw near to you). The basis of tonight's lesson was learning about the different traits or aspects of God so that we may know Him more intimately. We talked about the different names that God is called, such as Provider, Comforter, Healer, Father, Friend, Hiding Place. We discussed how we must challenge ourselves to come to know God in these areas so that can become closer to Him.

Toward the end of the lesson, we started talking about God and what we had learned tonight....the question was brought up 'Can you really love someone without knowing them?' I decided to let the kids divide up and debate the subject before discussing my opinion with them. Clearly, in the Bible it tells us to love our neighbors as well as our enemies. So I would say the proper answer to that question is yes. But have you really thought about that question?

To Know = To Love?? Think about someone loving you. Can they really love you without knowing you? What about loving someone else. Can you love someone else without knowing them??

So let's take it to another level. Can you love God, without knowing Him?? Can you really love Him if you have no clue who God is in your life...other than that He created the universe and everything in it?? I challenge each of us to ponder this question and really evaluate if we know God and love God...

As for me, I feel that there are levels to knowing God. For instance, when I was child or just younger in general, I only knew certain things of God. I realized that He watched over me and my family and kept me alive. I understood that He sent His son to die for our sins. And I knew to thank Him for my blessings...and for that, I loved Him. But now, after living more and growing more, I can say that my love for God has grown 10 times over...my love for Him has grown immensely because I've come to experience God in so many other ways. I know now how to thank Him/praise Him in the midst of troubles or triumphs. I know now how to reach out to Him when there's no one else AND when there's a plethora of other people around. I know now how to pray for His guidance even when I really dont want it (lol). I know now how to pray for Gods will instead of my own. I have come to trust and know God so much more deeply now. Not only is He my Friend, but also my Comforter, my Provider, my Redeemer, my Hiding Place, my Strong Tower, my Hope, my Savior, and my Father. So, for that...I know now that I love God much more...more deeply and intimately than I ever have before.

For me to Know IS to Love. What about you??

Yes, times have changed but some things still remain..

2009-06-20T22:08:00.000-07:00

As a 14 hour work day winds down, I sit here in the sunlight contemplating on how my ancestors would feel if it were them sitting here instead of me...

Across the street, I see a group of four middle-aged, white men. They stand huddled up, decked out in their workforce boots and hard hats. To go with their matching gear is that 'good old' boy mentality...the kind that silently elevate and separate themselves from anyone or anything not associated with the Jim Crow south...Yes, times have changed, but some things still remain...

As I continue to sit here...watching and observing this unspoken fraternity of white men, I turn my head just in time to catch a glimpse of my boss walking by me. She's headed out for a quick bite and will be back in time to end our shift. As I watch her saunter across the street towards the aformentioned league of unextraordinary gentlemen, I think to myself how much I admire and respect this woman. In a world full of men, an industry dominated by conservative, chauvenistic ideals, she has somehow managed to make it to the top...into and under the white sheets of that circle of trust. Still, I wonder why she doesn't see my desire to accompany her...to pay homage while gaining valuable insight into staking my claim in this man's world that we call the workplace...Yes, times have changed, but some things still remain...

As the small crowd across the street disperses, I realize that inspite of the education I received, my desire to make my mark on the engineering world, and/or my motivation to succeed in doing my best...I am still only seen, judged, and typecast as 'that Black girl that sits upstairs.'

Day in and day out, I come to work to be met with dumbfounded stares and sinister plans...arrogant smirks and smug remarks...reminded constantly that this is their territory, code for white women allowed and no Black woman can cuz this is white man's land.

As lonely and life draining as this situation can be, I know I must continue on in this Christian race (as we all must), knowing that the race was not given to the swift. Regardless of how many times I may stumble...how many times someone tries to set me up to fail...I must press on toward the higher calling.

I may be young, but I was not born in a barn, nor I was born yesterday, and if it's one thing I know, is that the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy..BUT God sent His son so that we may have life and have it more abundantly. So for now, I remember the fight my ancestors undertook so that I could be here - S.R.H., young, Black Electrical Engineer...And it is because of them, that I am able to bear it and smile in the face of my enemies (because one day they will be my foot stools lol!)...I will even count it all joy because I too am paving the way for a positive future for Black youths...

Yes, some things change, but I WILL REMAIN...'And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart' Galatians 6:9

God's Treat

2009-05-30T13:13:00.000-07:00

I heard you were looking for me
Thought I’d save you the trouble
Said you were looking for a good woman
Well I can give you double…

You won’t find me in the club
Though you may find some…
If you’re really searching
You’ll look for me in Proverbs 31

You won’t find childish ways
Or an immature, teen love
Instead you’ll find something lasting
A 1st Corinthians 13 love

Know what you are looking for
He that finds a wife finds a good thing
If you are looking for your Queen
Make sure you are ready to be my King

I heard you were looking for me
I can’t wait till we finally meet
Said you were looking for a good woman
Well, you are in for God’s treat…

The REAL Deal About Swagg....

2009-05-20T16:01:00.000-07:00

We've all heard it by now...we've all heard others saying or singing about it...we may have even caught ourselves adding it to our own vernacular. The new "it" word in the urban, contemporary world has hit the scenes like a tsunami: SWAGG.

Personally, I do believe that swagg is a viable word with a proper definition. I define swagg as having a certain confidence which exudes oneself in the way he or she carries him or herself, handles business, and conducts daily life. We've all seen it too! Ladies, we know when a young man has bonefied, official swagg! The way he walks, talks, dresses...even the most mundane things he does spell c-o-n-f-i-d-e-n-c-e. Fellas, yall have seen it in women as well. That woman walking by with her head held high, smelling good, looking nice, and handling her business....Miss Independent, if you will.

However, let us stop and think about how the word swagg is being thrown around as an adjective instead of a verb. I have now seen and heard, in the past few weeks, so many young people referring to themselves as having a certain insurmountable amount of swagg predicated by:1.) how much money they make, 2.) how cute/fine they (think they) are, 3.) the car they drive, 4.) the house or apartment they live in, and/or 5.) other temporal THINGS that shall fade away.

But you know...I am starting to wonder about how much thought this widely coined phrase evokes when being constantly over-used. Do the people always keeping this word in the forefront of their everyday diction really even have the swagg they claim to have? For me, I struggle to believe this so-called level of swaggerdom you've achieved if you are always speaking on it, making mention of it, or drawing attention to it. Do you really have swagg if you have to TELL everyone that you have swagg? Does your standard of what swagg truly is even classify you as having swagg? For me, having stacks of benjamins, driving a nice car, and looking nice is not a major proponent of the formula that yields swagg.

I'd like to think someone who has arrived at a level of achievement in life that allows them to live comfortably and confidently while maintaining a quiet humility about themselves is the true characteristic of REAL swagg. Someone who oozes confidence, professionalism, intelligence, and wisdom without saying one word. Someone who makes you feel an extra iota of security all because their presence is near....REAL swagg is not an adjective, it is a verb...it is a state of mind and being. Not something to describe yourself, but a way in which you carry and govern yourself. It is someone who never ever thinks of himself (or herself) more highly than he ought (Romans 12:2-3: 2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. 3For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.)....

Think about it....real Swagg doesnt need accolades, compliments, or statements about how much swagg he or she has..it just is. It is a state of mind and being that exists without being boisterous. Gentleman (and ladies) take note...humble yourselves, stop thinking more highly of yourself than you ought...just let your swagg do its own talking.

My Roots...

2009-05-07T23:49:00.000-07:00

My roots once intertwined with another...
Growing ever intricately, delicately wrapped in eachother
Whatever you were looking for, you would not have to search far to find
Because my roots were your roots, and your roots were mine
My roots seemed to be taken from apart of you
My roots willing to follow wherever you lead me to
Words you never even spoke, only I could hear it
My roots and your roots, destined to bear the fruit of the spirit
My roots gave you the feeling that there was no one greater
Growing together, our union was pleasing in the sight of our Creator
My roots merged with your roots making every movement rhyme
You and I together - were a perfect design
But now your roots have started to twist and turn
For yesterday and good times my roots have begun to yearn
The soil we felt was so rich, no longer satisfies
Your roots all the while continue to become harder to gratify
You've forgotten that my roots come from good earth
My once beautiful form has all the sudden lost its worth
You've changed slowly with the progression of time
Your roots have become increasingly difficult to recognize
My roots are still growing towards heaven as i am strengthened
Being renourished and washed anew as I am lengthened
I will no longer depend on you - my happiness Ive learned to supply
Because my roots have been remolded - beautiful in the Master's eyes
My roots were once interwined with another
Growing ever intricately, wrapped in eachother
And though we were once rooted together, it is now time to say goodbye
Because my roots are no longer quenched by yours, the life of us has gone dry...
March 2005 (c) SRH

It Wasn't Like This Yesterday...

2009-05-07T23:41:00.000-07:00

It wasn’t like this yesterday
Yesterday looming in the sky, dark clouds formed
And all of the sudden, out of nowhere there came a storm
But I reassured myself, and had not an ounce of fear
Because I was certain that he would be near
It wasn’t like this yesterday
Yesterday, it never ceased to pour
It rained until it seemed the earth could be saturated no more
But still my soul and heart were soothingly at bay
Knowing that my feelings for him would never lead me astray
It wasn’t like this yesterday
Yesterday, the sky remained an intense, boundless dark
The sun was no longer present, only a barren, empty mark
Yet, still my spirit was overflowing with warmth and shine
For he made me feel a happiness ever so divine
It wasn’t like this yesterday
No yesterday it was quite dreary and blue
And the heavens maintained a monotonous hue
And I began to question the reasons for such a downcast day
Yet, still optimism is what I continued to convey
Then yesterday passed, and now it is today
The storms have stopped rumbling and the earth has stopped crying
Now all that is left is a beautiful rainbow, breathtakingly surprising
And, while he is still here, something else has occurred
Walking into my life and taking it for a turn
It wasn’t like this yesterday
On yesterday I was definitely nothing other than sure
That the skies in my life would return to tranquility and azure
And that he would ultimately be the one who painted my sky blue
It wasn’t like this yesterday, for yesterday was before I met you
June 2006 (c) SRH

Life can be soo funny, especially when it's God who is doin' the ticklin'

2008-06-04T22:18:00.000-07:00

Man...it has truly been a long week and I'm glad to see another Thursday-almost-time-for-the-weekend roll around. My conference paper is nearly finished; however, there has been a fair amount of sacrificing sleep to gain victory over this paper submission. Nonetheless, pressing onward through clouded, lethargic thoughts and tired, dry eyes, I feel compelled to share with you my triumphs for the day...

Since January 2008, I have been serving in the role of Youth Director at my church. Its been challenging, trying, and tiring to say the least. I met with my Pastor this week after confronting feelings of self-doubt and failure. I felt my attempts of making a change in the teens at my church and impacting their lives were futile and worthless.

I became so down on myself for not doing more, trying harder...and I felt most of all that I had let the teens down. For once, in an area where grades are not the deciding factor or proficiency scale, I felt that I had truly failed. My Pastor assured me, however, that this was surely not the case. After all, we had accomplished some great things thus far..youth retreats, regularly scheduled meetings, parent support, etc...all things we didn't have previously. Still, I left our meeting with a solen face, dampened spirit, and dejected attitude. I knew that this week's youth meeting may be lacking in attendance because of summer break and even I had to motivate myself to prepare the lesson to be discussed.

6:30 p.m. rolls around, and my suspicions are correct: 3 teens out of 12 are in attendance. 'This is okay,' I tried reassuring myself, but I almost couldn't help but feel this was a direct result of my inability to excite the youth about the meetings and growing in the Word. Despite my feelings, I pressed on. We discussed in depth the meaning of true love and how we as Christians should function within love (1 Corinthians 13:1-8,13; Romans 12:9-19; Matthew 22:37; and 2 Timothy 3:1-5 if you'd like to cross reference) at all times. We ended our discussion with a debate on love vs. hate: which emotion is most powerful? Seems simple enough right? Well in trying to administer the lesson the teens, I was school myself...resulting in my small but very meaningful triumphs for the day.

Triumph 1: In the debates, we (a co-director and I) were on the side arguing for hate being the most powerful, and the 3 teens were on the team arguing for love. The debate was heated and fueled with very strong arguments as to why love is more powerful then hate. The teens had an answer/rebuttal for everyone of our arguments based off of some principle we went over today. Not only did they understand the lesson, but they knew how to effectively apply it and trump our attempts to say hate was more powerful than love. This (to others) may seem small...but to me, someone who has seen them disinterested, unattentive, and lacking in cunning when it comes to debates, this is HUGE! They actually out debated the youth directors, people who are 10+ years their senior! I was sooo pleased.

Triumph 2: After the meeting was over, two of my most troubling teens said that they loved the meeting and can't wait until the next. I was floored. The last meeting we held, one girl told me she didn't ever want to come back and hated being there. What a change! To go from complete disdain to utter adorance and excitement! What a miracle!

Triumph 3: After the meeting was over, I stayed and had a little an 'after-meeting' (lol, kinda like after the party is the after party...after the meeting is the after meeting and after the meeting it church's lobby...wow this is delirium trying to rob me of justifiable humor). Myself, a teen, and her mother began talking about the lesson and something in my spirit told me to pour into her something that I had experienced. I told her she didn't have to experience that and to really reflect on today's lesson. She then told me that the lesson today was so on-point that she knew that it could only be God working in her life. She also told me that every last meeting she's been to, I've always provided her valuable insight on an issue she had been dealing with that week. Lastly, she said verbatim (this is the clencher that warmed my heart, kindled my soul, and eased my spirit): "Everytime you come to teach us a lesson, you affect me or help me in some way. I hope you don't ever think that you are not making a difference here because I can say that you've at least helped me when I needed it the most."

....Ladies and gentlemen, my point is obvious. Never think that because you are not pulling off some grandiose, larger-than-life plan that you are not making a difference to someone somewhere. I thought that my attempts were weak and unaffecting when in all actuality they were probably stronger than I could have ever imagined. In all our insecurities, thoughts of insignificance, and feelings of inability we must remember that you can always make a difference. Rather than try to quantify how much of an impact you are making/want to make, focus on the service itself. I could go on in my life to be given accolades or monetary rewards for good works...but I can honestly say that just hearing that child tell me that I mattered to her because I helped her is worth more to me than any compensation could ever offer.

Final thoughts: Even in our most insecure moments, to someone we make a difference, somewhere we matter, at sometime we inspire change. Never let your accomplishments be the deciding factor of your self-worth. Material accomplishments or lack there of, always seemingly outweigh our unseen, inner virtues, and, for this reason, accomplishments are easily misconstrued to be the perfect litmus paper to act as the indicators of the level of our worth. But our worth is not measured by anything tangible. Instead, find your worth in the smiles of those you've served, the hugs of those you've warranted through a heartfelt conversation, and the words of appreciation from those you've encouraged.

Now, I retreat to my humble abode, thanking God for His presence and His everlasting ability to reveal to us our worth even when we don't see it for ourselves...thanks to all, and to all a goodnight.

p.s. Triumph 3.5: I got an invite from that family to come over and get a home-cooked meal next week! Free food = PRAISE THE LORD!!

Giving It Your Best...Not Just What's Left

2008-05-28T05:04:00.000-07:00

Hmm...where to start today. I'm in my go-getter mind frame right about now (after writing the first draft of a technical paper I'll be presenting at the end of the summer in Vegas at an Engineering conference). Yes, its definitely about 6 in the a.m., so if the following post seems like stream of consciousness, well then adjust your mind and follow...you need a challenge anyway.

So, with that said. I've been contemplating my lackadaisacal, non-chalant, borderline-lazy attitude lately. I know, as well as all my close friends and fam, that I am in a high-stress situation in which I must hustle (yeh, that's right hustle) to finish my thesis before starting my new job errrhh..scratch that, my new CAREER. However, this urgent need to finish has been met only by a considerable amount of resistance on my part which is a bit out of my character because I've always been the type to 'Make It Happen' <-- shout owt to Spring 05 Unsolved Mysteries. So after much thought, contemplation, and procrastination (told yall I wasn't on top of it)...I've reached some much needed conclusions.

I understand, now more than ever, that I, as a black woman, and we, as black people, can never take any moments forgranted in life. When are ancestors were taken from the motherland and sold into slavery, we were bred into a life of effort and hard work (whether we liked it or not). But somewhere along the way we've become okay with status quo, complacent in mediocrity, and lax in our lazy stances. This is completely unacceptable. Its effecting us everywhere too. I am not just referring to deadbeats who are jobless and/or carless with no aspirations to move forward in their lives. No, I'm talking about those of us in college who end up with Bs and Cs all because we didn't go to class or office hours due to our schedules of extra-curricular activities (parties), greek life, boyfriend/girlfriend...what have you. I'm talking about those of us who wait to do our hw or work for our job until the night before the deadline, and perhaps will even turn it in late while giving a faulty, half-true excuse as to why it wasn't on time. I'm talking about all of us who have not been giving it your honest best, but instead just been giving it what's left after you've went out, kicked it, watched tv, talked to your best friend on the phone, got some food, and took a nap that turned into a 5 hour hibernation. What are we doing black folk?? Who are we kidding? Who are we benefitting? I'll tell you whose cause we are not furthering, and that is our OWN! Around every corner, waits someone, some hater, ready to take your spot, see you fail, or aid in your demise.

Its time to stop shrinking from the grand responsibility we have to ourselves and to one another to be great in all aspects of our lives and to lift as we climb. We are not obligated to live in the stereotypical shadow that has been written for us by people of a different melanin level. I'm reminded of the age old question 'If not us, who? If not now, when?' As a Delta Sigma Theta Honorary Past National President once said (paraphrase): This is not a dress rehearsal. We don't have time for play, for games, for practicing half speed. We have more talent, intelligence, and power than we know and use...and our time is NOW.

I don't know about you, but I am tired of just getting by rather than getting what my potential could earn me! It's time we all step up and start doing what's right instead of giving what's left. My new motto for the rest of the summer (courtesy Whitnee Pleasant who adopted the phrase from Transfomers) is: No Sacrifice, No Victory. I've won half the battle by admitting I had a problem...those of you who are also members of Procrastinators Anonymous, welcome! From this point on, I will sacrifice what I have to, to get where I need to go and everything that God wants for me! I will be victorious in the end, I will have my Thesis, my dream job, and the determination to keep my eyes on the prize. In short, I leave you with a few quotes that help get me through when I need motivation

"They that wait upon the Lord, He shall renew their strength. They shall mount up on wings as eagles, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." Frederick Douglass

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fearis that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness,that most frightens us.We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,talented and fabulous?Actually who are we not to be?You are a child of God.Your playing small doesn't serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinkingso that other peoplewon't feel insecure around you.We are all meant to shine as children do.We were born to make manifestthe glory of God that is within us.It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.And when we let our own light shine,we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson

Now swallow that for some morning soul food...good day

Wolves in Sheep's Clothes...

2008-05-23T01:46:00.000-07:00

I probably should have wrote this blog a long time ago...
But silly me didn't realize just how transpired events (even until today) were shaping yet another lesson learned.

Who has ever heard the saying a 'nigga' is a 'nigga' (and excuse my language, but I just need to get my point across)? I can truly say I really thought I understood fully and completely well what this statement meant, but CLEARLY I hadn't.

Okay, let me lay it out here for yall (and this is for men and women both):
Who has ever thought that talking to or dating someone hinged on set criteria and prerequisites such as, status, beit monetary or reputation, educational background, moral standing, and/or career choice/path? I must willingly admit, that I was a firm believer in the standards I had set for the filter I used to weed out the men from the boys, the losers from the winners, the keepers from the keep it pushin'. I thought that with my trusty list of credentials, I would never come across those 'niggas' that KeKe 'nem from up the street were always dealing with. Ha ha ha, but oh contrare! Just like in the justice realm it is said 'innocent until proven guilty'...I was 'naive (borderline dumb) until proven wrong.'

As I said, I had a set list of my standards that I called myself never settling for so that I could never be hurt: The list is as follows:
1.) College Degree --> Bachelor's minimum but Graduate degree would be even better
2.) Nice car and House (or a desire to own a home within the next 3-5 years)
3.) Career not a job (there is a huge difference) or furthering his degree at the time
4.) No children preferably
5.) Real relationship with the Lord/able to be a spiritual partner

Now, those were my 5 basic bare minimum requirements as to what I was looking for in a mate (more here and there were added, however these were consistent). Using these rules, I actually dated 3-4 men who fit all of them. Here's where the rude awakening comes...they were all 'niggas'! Two were PhD students and were on track to making six figures! One was succesfully employed after receiving a graduate degree with a nice home. All of them claimed to have a right relationship with the Lord. And none of them had children. I thought surely that my Adam was somewhere in there! WRONG!! These turned out to be some of the grimiest, most trifling men I have encountered in my life. A mangy dog ridden with fleas is compliment compared to their kind! They lied, cheated, and manipulated all with the most innocent of smiles on their faces. So what is my point?

Don't think that just because you seemed to have found someone with high moral standing along with the career, education, and status to back it up that he (or she) is not a 'nigga.' Transcripts, paygrade, and the cost of a car have nothing to do with the make of a man (or woman). We as people like to pretend like it does, but it truly is mutually exclusive. A person is going to be who he or she wants to be regardless of his/her position in life. It may be fair to say that a person of good character with goals and determination, may live a life with such perks as a nice career, car, and house. But the converse just is not true whatsoever. It is highly inaccurate to say a person with a nice career, car, and house is probably of good moral character. And that is where the fallacy within my naive, young mind resided for almost 23 years.

For all of you reading this, take stock in this: Wolves in Sheep's Clothing may not be that hard to spot if you wise up and look at the way you are looking at things yourself. All wolves don't smell like wolves or hang with wolves. Just like all 'niggas' don't look like 'niggas' or neccesarily hang with them. I thought there was an easy way to make sure that I would never surround myself with a wolf, when actuality I was only increasing my chances of encountering wolves in sheep's clothing. So, re-evaluate how you choose your potential mates. Do not make it about credentials or prerequisites...you are not interviewing for a job. Instead, think about the very thing that cannot be bounded or held by a college degree or bought with money...LOVE. I am not saying that you shouldn't be concerned with the credentials I named earlier, clearly we all need security in knowing that our mate could provide for us; however, those cannot be the sole basis we use to find our mate. That is left up to God our maker and the love we decide to share with one another.