As a 14 hour work day winds down, I sit here in the sunlight contemplating on how my ancestors would feel if it were them sitting here instead of me...
Across the street, I see a group of four middle-aged, white men. They stand huddled up, decked out in their workforce boots and hard hats. To go with their matching gear is that 'good old' boy mentality...the kind that silently elevate and separate themselves from anyone or anything not associated with the Jim Crow south...Yes, times have changed, but some things still remain...
As I continue to sit here...watching and observing this unspoken fraternity of white men, I turn my head just in time to catch a glimpse of my boss walking by me. She's headed out for a quick bite and will be back in time to end our shift. As I watch her saunter across the street towards the aformentioned league of unextraordinary gentlemen, I think to myself how much I admire and respect this woman. In a world full of men, an industry dominated by conservative, chauvenistic ideals, she has somehow managed to make it to the top...into and under the white sheets of that circle of trust. Still, I wonder why she doesn't see my desire to accompany her...to pay homage while gaining valuable insight into staking my claim in this man's world that we call the workplace...Yes, times have changed, but some things still remain...
As the small crowd across the street disperses, I realize that inspite of the education I received, my desire to make my mark on the engineering world, and/or my motivation to succeed in doing my best...I am still only seen, judged, and typecast as 'that Black girl that sits upstairs.'
Day in and day out, I come to work to be met with dumbfounded stares and sinister plans...arrogant smirks and smug remarks...reminded constantly that this is their territory, code for white women allowed and no Black woman can cuz this is white man's land.
As lonely and life draining as this situation can be, I know I must continue on in this Christian race (as we all must), knowing that the race was not given to the swift. Regardless of how many times I may stumble...how many times someone tries to set me up to fail...I must press on toward the higher calling.
I may be young, but I was not born in a barn, nor I was born yesterday, and if it's one thing I know, is that the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy..BUT God sent His son so that we may have life and have it more abundantly. So for now, I remember the fight my ancestors undertook so that I could be here - S.R.H., young, Black Electrical Engineer...And it is because of them, that I am able to bear it and smile in the face of my enemies (because one day they will be my foot stools lol!)...I will even count it all joy because I too am paving the way for a positive future for Black youths...
Yes, some things change, but I WILL REMAIN...'And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart' Galatians 6:9
Showing posts with label Inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Inspiration. Show all posts
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Life can be soo funny, especially when it's God who is doin' the ticklin'
Man...it has truly been a long week and I'm glad to see another Thursday-almost-time-for-the-weekend roll around. My conference paper is nearly finished; however, there has been a fair amount of sacrificing sleep to gain victory over this paper submission. Nonetheless, pressing onward through clouded, lethargic thoughts and tired, dry eyes, I feel compelled to share with you my triumphs for the day...
Since January 2008, I have been serving in the role of Youth Director at my church. Its been challenging, trying, and tiring to say the least. I met with my Pastor this week after confronting feelings of self-doubt and failure. I felt my attempts of making a change in the teens at my church and impacting their lives were futile and worthless.
I became so down on myself for not doing more, trying harder...and I felt most of all that I had let the teens down. For once, in an area where grades are not the deciding factor or proficiency scale, I felt that I had truly failed. My Pastor assured me, however, that this was surely not the case. After all, we had accomplished some great things thus far..youth retreats, regularly scheduled meetings, parent support, etc...all things we didn't have previously. Still, I left our meeting with a solen face, dampened spirit, and dejected attitude. I knew that this week's youth meeting may be lacking in attendance because of summer break and even I had to motivate myself to prepare the lesson to be discussed.
6:30 p.m. rolls around, and my suspicions are correct: 3 teens out of 12 are in attendance. 'This is okay,' I tried reassuring myself, but I almost couldn't help but feel this was a direct result of my inability to excite the youth about the meetings and growing in the Word. Despite my feelings, I pressed on. We discussed in depth the meaning of true love and how we as Christians should function within love (1 Corinthians 13:1-8,13; Romans 12:9-19; Matthew 22:37; and 2 Timothy 3:1-5 if you'd like to cross reference) at all times. We ended our discussion with a debate on love vs. hate: which emotion is most powerful? Seems simple enough right? Well in trying to administer the lesson the teens, I was school myself...resulting in my small but very meaningful triumphs for the day.
Triumph 1: In the debates, we (a co-director and I) were on the side arguing for hate being the most powerful, and the 3 teens were on the team arguing for love. The debate was heated and fueled with very strong arguments as to why love is more powerful then hate. The teens had an answer/rebuttal for everyone of our arguments based off of some principle we went over today. Not only did they understand the lesson, but they knew how to effectively apply it and trump our attempts to say hate was more powerful than love. This (to others) may seem small...but to me, someone who has seen them disinterested, unattentive, and lacking in cunning when it comes to debates, this is HUGE! They actually out debated the youth directors, people who are 10+ years their senior! I was sooo pleased.
Triumph 2: After the meeting was over, two of my most troubling teens said that they loved the meeting and can't wait until the next. I was floored. The last meeting we held, one girl told me she didn't ever want to come back and hated being there. What a change! To go from complete disdain to utter adorance and excitement! What a miracle!
Triumph 3: After the meeting was over, I stayed and had a little an 'after-meeting' (lol, kinda like after the party is the after party...after the meeting is the after meeting and after the meeting it church's lobby...wow this is delirium trying to rob me of justifiable humor). Myself, a teen, and her mother began talking about the lesson and something in my spirit told me to pour into her something that I had experienced. I told her she didn't have to experience that and to really reflect on today's lesson. She then told me that the lesson today was so on-point that she knew that it could only be God working in her life. She also told me that every last meeting she's been to, I've always provided her valuable insight on an issue she had been dealing with that week. Lastly, she said verbatim (this is the clencher that warmed my heart, kindled my soul, and eased my spirit): "Everytime you come to teach us a lesson, you affect me or help me in some way. I hope you don't ever think that you are not making a difference here because I can say that you've at least helped me when I needed it the most."
....Ladies and gentlemen, my point is obvious. Never think that because you are not pulling off some grandiose, larger-than-life plan that you are not making a difference to someone somewhere. I thought that my attempts were weak and unaffecting when in all actuality they were probably stronger than I could have ever imagined. In all our insecurities, thoughts of insignificance, and feelings of inability we must remember that you can always make a difference. Rather than try to quantify how much of an impact you are making/want to make, focus on the service itself. I could go on in my life to be given accolades or monetary rewards for good works...but I can honestly say that just hearing that child tell me that I mattered to her because I helped her is worth more to me than any compensation could ever offer.
Final thoughts: Even in our most insecure moments, to someone we make a difference, somewhere we matter, at sometime we inspire change. Never let your accomplishments be the deciding factor of your self-worth. Material accomplishments or lack there of, always seemingly outweigh our unseen, inner virtues, and, for this reason, accomplishments are easily misconstrued to be the perfect litmus paper to act as the indicators of the level of our worth. But our worth is not measured by anything tangible. Instead, find your worth in the smiles of those you've served, the hugs of those you've warranted through a heartfelt conversation, and the words of appreciation from those you've encouraged.
Now, I retreat to my humble abode, thanking God for His presence and His everlasting ability to reveal to us our worth even when we don't see it for ourselves...thanks to all, and to all a goodnight.
p.s. Triumph 3.5: I got an invite from that family to come over and get a home-cooked meal next week! Free food = PRAISE THE LORD!!
Since January 2008, I have been serving in the role of Youth Director at my church. Its been challenging, trying, and tiring to say the least. I met with my Pastor this week after confronting feelings of self-doubt and failure. I felt my attempts of making a change in the teens at my church and impacting their lives were futile and worthless.
I became so down on myself for not doing more, trying harder...and I felt most of all that I had let the teens down. For once, in an area where grades are not the deciding factor or proficiency scale, I felt that I had truly failed. My Pastor assured me, however, that this was surely not the case. After all, we had accomplished some great things thus far..youth retreats, regularly scheduled meetings, parent support, etc...all things we didn't have previously. Still, I left our meeting with a solen face, dampened spirit, and dejected attitude. I knew that this week's youth meeting may be lacking in attendance because of summer break and even I had to motivate myself to prepare the lesson to be discussed.
6:30 p.m. rolls around, and my suspicions are correct: 3 teens out of 12 are in attendance. 'This is okay,' I tried reassuring myself, but I almost couldn't help but feel this was a direct result of my inability to excite the youth about the meetings and growing in the Word. Despite my feelings, I pressed on. We discussed in depth the meaning of true love and how we as Christians should function within love (1 Corinthians 13:1-8,13; Romans 12:9-19; Matthew 22:37; and 2 Timothy 3:1-5 if you'd like to cross reference) at all times. We ended our discussion with a debate on love vs. hate: which emotion is most powerful? Seems simple enough right? Well in trying to administer the lesson the teens, I was school myself...resulting in my small but very meaningful triumphs for the day.
Triumph 1: In the debates, we (a co-director and I) were on the side arguing for hate being the most powerful, and the 3 teens were on the team arguing for love. The debate was heated and fueled with very strong arguments as to why love is more powerful then hate. The teens had an answer/rebuttal for everyone of our arguments based off of some principle we went over today. Not only did they understand the lesson, but they knew how to effectively apply it and trump our attempts to say hate was more powerful than love. This (to others) may seem small...but to me, someone who has seen them disinterested, unattentive, and lacking in cunning when it comes to debates, this is HUGE! They actually out debated the youth directors, people who are 10+ years their senior! I was sooo pleased.
Triumph 2: After the meeting was over, two of my most troubling teens said that they loved the meeting and can't wait until the next. I was floored. The last meeting we held, one girl told me she didn't ever want to come back and hated being there. What a change! To go from complete disdain to utter adorance and excitement! What a miracle!
Triumph 3: After the meeting was over, I stayed and had a little an 'after-meeting' (lol, kinda like after the party is the after party...after the meeting is the after meeting and after the meeting it church's lobby...wow this is delirium trying to rob me of justifiable humor). Myself, a teen, and her mother began talking about the lesson and something in my spirit told me to pour into her something that I had experienced. I told her she didn't have to experience that and to really reflect on today's lesson. She then told me that the lesson today was so on-point that she knew that it could only be God working in her life. She also told me that every last meeting she's been to, I've always provided her valuable insight on an issue she had been dealing with that week. Lastly, she said verbatim (this is the clencher that warmed my heart, kindled my soul, and eased my spirit): "Everytime you come to teach us a lesson, you affect me or help me in some way. I hope you don't ever think that you are not making a difference here because I can say that you've at least helped me when I needed it the most."
....Ladies and gentlemen, my point is obvious. Never think that because you are not pulling off some grandiose, larger-than-life plan that you are not making a difference to someone somewhere. I thought that my attempts were weak and unaffecting when in all actuality they were probably stronger than I could have ever imagined. In all our insecurities, thoughts of insignificance, and feelings of inability we must remember that you can always make a difference. Rather than try to quantify how much of an impact you are making/want to make, focus on the service itself. I could go on in my life to be given accolades or monetary rewards for good works...but I can honestly say that just hearing that child tell me that I mattered to her because I helped her is worth more to me than any compensation could ever offer.
Final thoughts: Even in our most insecure moments, to someone we make a difference, somewhere we matter, at sometime we inspire change. Never let your accomplishments be the deciding factor of your self-worth. Material accomplishments or lack there of, always seemingly outweigh our unseen, inner virtues, and, for this reason, accomplishments are easily misconstrued to be the perfect litmus paper to act as the indicators of the level of our worth. But our worth is not measured by anything tangible. Instead, find your worth in the smiles of those you've served, the hugs of those you've warranted through a heartfelt conversation, and the words of appreciation from those you've encouraged.
Now, I retreat to my humble abode, thanking God for His presence and His everlasting ability to reveal to us our worth even when we don't see it for ourselves...thanks to all, and to all a goodnight.
p.s. Triumph 3.5: I got an invite from that family to come over and get a home-cooked meal next week! Free food = PRAISE THE LORD!!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Giving It Your Best...Not Just What's Left
Hmm...where to start today. I'm in my go-getter mind frame right about now (after writing the first draft of a technical paper I'll be presenting at the end of the summer in Vegas at an Engineering conference). Yes, its definitely about 6 in the a.m., so if the following post seems like stream of consciousness, well then adjust your mind and follow...you need a challenge anyway.
So, with that said. I've been contemplating my lackadaisacal, non-chalant, borderline-lazy attitude lately. I know, as well as all my close friends and fam, that I am in a high-stress situation in which I must hustle (yeh, that's right hustle) to finish my thesis before starting my new job errrhh..scratch that, my new CAREER. However, this urgent need to finish has been met only by a considerable amount of resistance on my part which is a bit out of my character because I've always been the type to 'Make It Happen' <-- shout owt to Spring 05 Unsolved Mysteries. So after much thought, contemplation, and procrastination (told yall I wasn't on top of it)...I've reached some much needed conclusions.
I understand, now more than ever, that I, as a black woman, and we, as black people, can never take any moments forgranted in life. When are ancestors were taken from the motherland and sold into slavery, we were bred into a life of effort and hard work (whether we liked it or not). But somewhere along the way we've become okay with status quo, complacent in mediocrity, and lax in our lazy stances. This is completely unacceptable. Its effecting us everywhere too. I am not just referring to deadbeats who are jobless and/or carless with no aspirations to move forward in their lives. No, I'm talking about those of us in college who end up with Bs and Cs all because we didn't go to class or office hours due to our schedules of extra-curricular activities (parties), greek life, boyfriend/girlfriend...what have you. I'm talking about those of us who wait to do our hw or work for our job until the night before the deadline, and perhaps will even turn it in late while giving a faulty, half-true excuse as to why it wasn't on time. I'm talking about all of us who have not been giving it your honest best, but instead just been giving it what's left after you've went out, kicked it, watched tv, talked to your best friend on the phone, got some food, and took a nap that turned into a 5 hour hibernation. What are we doing black folk?? Who are we kidding? Who are we benefitting? I'll tell you whose cause we are not furthering, and that is our OWN! Around every corner, waits someone, some hater, ready to take your spot, see you fail, or aid in your demise.
Its time to stop shrinking from the grand responsibility we have to ourselves and to one another to be great in all aspects of our lives and to lift as we climb. We are not obligated to live in the stereotypical shadow that has been written for us by people of a different melanin level. I'm reminded of the age old question 'If not us, who? If not now, when?' As a Delta Sigma Theta Honorary Past National President once said (paraphrase): This is not a dress rehearsal. We don't have time for play, for games, for practicing half speed. We have more talent, intelligence, and power than we know and use...and our time is NOW.
I don't know about you, but I am tired of just getting by rather than getting what my potential could earn me! It's time we all step up and start doing what's right instead of giving what's left. My new motto for the rest of the summer (courtesy Whitnee Pleasant who adopted the phrase from Transfomers) is: No Sacrifice, No Victory. I've won half the battle by admitting I had a problem...those of you who are also members of Procrastinators Anonymous, welcome! From this point on, I will sacrifice what I have to, to get where I need to go and everything that God wants for me! I will be victorious in the end, I will have my Thesis, my dream job, and the determination to keep my eyes on the prize. In short, I leave you with a few quotes that help get me through when I need motivation
"They that wait upon the Lord, He shall renew their strength. They shall mount up on wings as eagles, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." Frederick Douglass
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fearis that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness,that most frightens us.We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,talented and fabulous?Actually who are we not to be?You are a child of God.Your playing small doesn't serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinkingso that other peoplewon't feel insecure around you.We are all meant to shine as children do.We were born to make manifestthe glory of God that is within us.It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.And when we let our own light shine,we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson
Now swallow that for some morning soul food...good day
So, with that said. I've been contemplating my lackadaisacal, non-chalant, borderline-lazy attitude lately. I know, as well as all my close friends and fam, that I am in a high-stress situation in which I must hustle (yeh, that's right hustle) to finish my thesis before starting my new job errrhh..scratch that, my new CAREER. However, this urgent need to finish has been met only by a considerable amount of resistance on my part which is a bit out of my character because I've always been the type to 'Make It Happen' <-- shout owt to Spring 05 Unsolved Mysteries. So after much thought, contemplation, and procrastination (told yall I wasn't on top of it)...I've reached some much needed conclusions.
I understand, now more than ever, that I, as a black woman, and we, as black people, can never take any moments forgranted in life. When are ancestors were taken from the motherland and sold into slavery, we were bred into a life of effort and hard work (whether we liked it or not). But somewhere along the way we've become okay with status quo, complacent in mediocrity, and lax in our lazy stances. This is completely unacceptable. Its effecting us everywhere too. I am not just referring to deadbeats who are jobless and/or carless with no aspirations to move forward in their lives. No, I'm talking about those of us in college who end up with Bs and Cs all because we didn't go to class or office hours due to our schedules of extra-curricular activities (parties), greek life, boyfriend/girlfriend...what have you. I'm talking about those of us who wait to do our hw or work for our job until the night before the deadline, and perhaps will even turn it in late while giving a faulty, half-true excuse as to why it wasn't on time. I'm talking about all of us who have not been giving it your honest best, but instead just been giving it what's left after you've went out, kicked it, watched tv, talked to your best friend on the phone, got some food, and took a nap that turned into a 5 hour hibernation. What are we doing black folk?? Who are we kidding? Who are we benefitting? I'll tell you whose cause we are not furthering, and that is our OWN! Around every corner, waits someone, some hater, ready to take your spot, see you fail, or aid in your demise.
Its time to stop shrinking from the grand responsibility we have to ourselves and to one another to be great in all aspects of our lives and to lift as we climb. We are not obligated to live in the stereotypical shadow that has been written for us by people of a different melanin level. I'm reminded of the age old question 'If not us, who? If not now, when?' As a Delta Sigma Theta Honorary Past National President once said (paraphrase): This is not a dress rehearsal. We don't have time for play, for games, for practicing half speed. We have more talent, intelligence, and power than we know and use...and our time is NOW.
I don't know about you, but I am tired of just getting by rather than getting what my potential could earn me! It's time we all step up and start doing what's right instead of giving what's left. My new motto for the rest of the summer (courtesy Whitnee Pleasant who adopted the phrase from Transfomers) is: No Sacrifice, No Victory. I've won half the battle by admitting I had a problem...those of you who are also members of Procrastinators Anonymous, welcome! From this point on, I will sacrifice what I have to, to get where I need to go and everything that God wants for me! I will be victorious in the end, I will have my Thesis, my dream job, and the determination to keep my eyes on the prize. In short, I leave you with a few quotes that help get me through when I need motivation
"They that wait upon the Lord, He shall renew their strength. They shall mount up on wings as eagles, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." Frederick Douglass
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fearis that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness,that most frightens us.We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,talented and fabulous?Actually who are we not to be?You are a child of God.Your playing small doesn't serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinkingso that other peoplewon't feel insecure around you.We are all meant to shine as children do.We were born to make manifestthe glory of God that is within us.It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.And when we let our own light shine,we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson
Now swallow that for some morning soul food...good day
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