Man...it has truly been a long week and I'm glad to see another Thursday-almost-time-for-the-weekend roll around. My conference paper is nearly finished; however, there has been a fair amount of sacrificing sleep to gain victory over this paper submission. Nonetheless, pressing onward through clouded, lethargic thoughts and tired, dry eyes, I feel compelled to share with you my triumphs for the day...
Since January 2008, I have been serving in the role of Youth Director at my church. Its been challenging, trying, and tiring to say the least. I met with my Pastor this week after confronting feelings of self-doubt and failure. I felt my attempts of making a change in the teens at my church and impacting their lives were futile and worthless.
I became so down on myself for not doing more, trying harder...and I felt most of all that I had let the teens down. For once, in an area where grades are not the deciding factor or proficiency scale, I felt that I had truly failed. My Pastor assured me, however, that this was surely not the case. After all, we had accomplished some great things thus far..youth retreats, regularly scheduled meetings, parent support, etc...all things we didn't have previously. Still, I left our meeting with a solen face, dampened spirit, and dejected attitude. I knew that this week's youth meeting may be lacking in attendance because of summer break and even I had to motivate myself to prepare the lesson to be discussed.
6:30 p.m. rolls around, and my suspicions are correct: 3 teens out of 12 are in attendance. 'This is okay,' I tried reassuring myself, but I almost couldn't help but feel this was a direct result of my inability to excite the youth about the meetings and growing in the Word. Despite my feelings, I pressed on. We discussed in depth the meaning of true love and how we as Christians should function within love (1 Corinthians 13:1-8,13; Romans 12:9-19; Matthew 22:37; and 2 Timothy 3:1-5 if you'd like to cross reference) at all times. We ended our discussion with a debate on love vs. hate: which emotion is most powerful? Seems simple enough right? Well in trying to administer the lesson the teens, I was school myself...resulting in my small but very meaningful triumphs for the day.
Triumph 1: In the debates, we (a co-director and I) were on the side arguing for hate being the most powerful, and the 3 teens were on the team arguing for love. The debate was heated and fueled with very strong arguments as to why love is more powerful then hate. The teens had an answer/rebuttal for everyone of our arguments based off of some principle we went over today. Not only did they understand the lesson, but they knew how to effectively apply it and trump our attempts to say hate was more powerful than love. This (to others) may seem small...but to me, someone who has seen them disinterested, unattentive, and lacking in cunning when it comes to debates, this is HUGE! They actually out debated the youth directors, people who are 10+ years their senior! I was sooo pleased.
Triumph 2: After the meeting was over, two of my most troubling teens said that they loved the meeting and can't wait until the next. I was floored. The last meeting we held, one girl told me she didn't ever want to come back and hated being there. What a change! To go from complete disdain to utter adorance and excitement! What a miracle!
Triumph 3: After the meeting was over, I stayed and had a little an 'after-meeting' (lol, kinda like after the party is the after party...after the meeting is the after meeting and after the meeting it church's lobby...wow this is delirium trying to rob me of justifiable humor). Myself, a teen, and her mother began talking about the lesson and something in my spirit told me to pour into her something that I had experienced. I told her she didn't have to experience that and to really reflect on today's lesson. She then told me that the lesson today was so on-point that she knew that it could only be God working in her life. She also told me that every last meeting she's been to, I've always provided her valuable insight on an issue she had been dealing with that week. Lastly, she said verbatim (this is the clencher that warmed my heart, kindled my soul, and eased my spirit): "Everytime you come to teach us a lesson, you affect me or help me in some way. I hope you don't ever think that you are not making a difference here because I can say that you've at least helped me when I needed it the most."
....Ladies and gentlemen, my point is obvious. Never think that because you are not pulling off some grandiose, larger-than-life plan that you are not making a difference to someone somewhere. I thought that my attempts were weak and unaffecting when in all actuality they were probably stronger than I could have ever imagined. In all our insecurities, thoughts of insignificance, and feelings of inability we must remember that you can always make a difference. Rather than try to quantify how much of an impact you are making/want to make, focus on the service itself. I could go on in my life to be given accolades or monetary rewards for good works...but I can honestly say that just hearing that child tell me that I mattered to her because I helped her is worth more to me than any compensation could ever offer.
Final thoughts: Even in our most insecure moments, to someone we make a difference, somewhere we matter, at sometime we inspire change. Never let your accomplishments be the deciding factor of your self-worth. Material accomplishments or lack there of, always seemingly outweigh our unseen, inner virtues, and, for this reason, accomplishments are easily misconstrued to be the perfect litmus paper to act as the indicators of the level of our worth. But our worth is not measured by anything tangible. Instead, find your worth in the smiles of those you've served, the hugs of those you've warranted through a heartfelt conversation, and the words of appreciation from those you've encouraged.
Now, I retreat to my humble abode, thanking God for His presence and His everlasting ability to reveal to us our worth even when we don't see it for ourselves...thanks to all, and to all a goodnight.
p.s. Triumph 3.5: I got an invite from that family to come over and get a home-cooked meal next week! Free food = PRAISE THE LORD!!
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Giving It Your Best...Not Just What's Left
Hmm...where to start today. I'm in my go-getter mind frame right about now (after writing the first draft of a technical paper I'll be presenting at the end of the summer in Vegas at an Engineering conference). Yes, its definitely about 6 in the a.m., so if the following post seems like stream of consciousness, well then adjust your mind and follow...you need a challenge anyway.
So, with that said. I've been contemplating my lackadaisacal, non-chalant, borderline-lazy attitude lately. I know, as well as all my close friends and fam, that I am in a high-stress situation in which I must hustle (yeh, that's right hustle) to finish my thesis before starting my new job errrhh..scratch that, my new CAREER. However, this urgent need to finish has been met only by a considerable amount of resistance on my part which is a bit out of my character because I've always been the type to 'Make It Happen' <-- shout owt to Spring 05 Unsolved Mysteries. So after much thought, contemplation, and procrastination (told yall I wasn't on top of it)...I've reached some much needed conclusions.
I understand, now more than ever, that I, as a black woman, and we, as black people, can never take any moments forgranted in life. When are ancestors were taken from the motherland and sold into slavery, we were bred into a life of effort and hard work (whether we liked it or not). But somewhere along the way we've become okay with status quo, complacent in mediocrity, and lax in our lazy stances. This is completely unacceptable. Its effecting us everywhere too. I am not just referring to deadbeats who are jobless and/or carless with no aspirations to move forward in their lives. No, I'm talking about those of us in college who end up with Bs and Cs all because we didn't go to class or office hours due to our schedules of extra-curricular activities (parties), greek life, boyfriend/girlfriend...what have you. I'm talking about those of us who wait to do our hw or work for our job until the night before the deadline, and perhaps will even turn it in late while giving a faulty, half-true excuse as to why it wasn't on time. I'm talking about all of us who have not been giving it your honest best, but instead just been giving it what's left after you've went out, kicked it, watched tv, talked to your best friend on the phone, got some food, and took a nap that turned into a 5 hour hibernation. What are we doing black folk?? Who are we kidding? Who are we benefitting? I'll tell you whose cause we are not furthering, and that is our OWN! Around every corner, waits someone, some hater, ready to take your spot, see you fail, or aid in your demise.
Its time to stop shrinking from the grand responsibility we have to ourselves and to one another to be great in all aspects of our lives and to lift as we climb. We are not obligated to live in the stereotypical shadow that has been written for us by people of a different melanin level. I'm reminded of the age old question 'If not us, who? If not now, when?' As a Delta Sigma Theta Honorary Past National President once said (paraphrase): This is not a dress rehearsal. We don't have time for play, for games, for practicing half speed. We have more talent, intelligence, and power than we know and use...and our time is NOW.
I don't know about you, but I am tired of just getting by rather than getting what my potential could earn me! It's time we all step up and start doing what's right instead of giving what's left. My new motto for the rest of the summer (courtesy Whitnee Pleasant who adopted the phrase from Transfomers) is: No Sacrifice, No Victory. I've won half the battle by admitting I had a problem...those of you who are also members of Procrastinators Anonymous, welcome! From this point on, I will sacrifice what I have to, to get where I need to go and everything that God wants for me! I will be victorious in the end, I will have my Thesis, my dream job, and the determination to keep my eyes on the prize. In short, I leave you with a few quotes that help get me through when I need motivation
"They that wait upon the Lord, He shall renew their strength. They shall mount up on wings as eagles, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." Frederick Douglass
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fearis that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness,that most frightens us.We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,talented and fabulous?Actually who are we not to be?You are a child of God.Your playing small doesn't serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinkingso that other peoplewon't feel insecure around you.We are all meant to shine as children do.We were born to make manifestthe glory of God that is within us.It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.And when we let our own light shine,we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson
Now swallow that for some morning soul food...good day
So, with that said. I've been contemplating my lackadaisacal, non-chalant, borderline-lazy attitude lately. I know, as well as all my close friends and fam, that I am in a high-stress situation in which I must hustle (yeh, that's right hustle) to finish my thesis before starting my new job errrhh..scratch that, my new CAREER. However, this urgent need to finish has been met only by a considerable amount of resistance on my part which is a bit out of my character because I've always been the type to 'Make It Happen' <-- shout owt to Spring 05 Unsolved Mysteries. So after much thought, contemplation, and procrastination (told yall I wasn't on top of it)...I've reached some much needed conclusions.
I understand, now more than ever, that I, as a black woman, and we, as black people, can never take any moments forgranted in life. When are ancestors were taken from the motherland and sold into slavery, we were bred into a life of effort and hard work (whether we liked it or not). But somewhere along the way we've become okay with status quo, complacent in mediocrity, and lax in our lazy stances. This is completely unacceptable. Its effecting us everywhere too. I am not just referring to deadbeats who are jobless and/or carless with no aspirations to move forward in their lives. No, I'm talking about those of us in college who end up with Bs and Cs all because we didn't go to class or office hours due to our schedules of extra-curricular activities (parties), greek life, boyfriend/girlfriend...what have you. I'm talking about those of us who wait to do our hw or work for our job until the night before the deadline, and perhaps will even turn it in late while giving a faulty, half-true excuse as to why it wasn't on time. I'm talking about all of us who have not been giving it your honest best, but instead just been giving it what's left after you've went out, kicked it, watched tv, talked to your best friend on the phone, got some food, and took a nap that turned into a 5 hour hibernation. What are we doing black folk?? Who are we kidding? Who are we benefitting? I'll tell you whose cause we are not furthering, and that is our OWN! Around every corner, waits someone, some hater, ready to take your spot, see you fail, or aid in your demise.
Its time to stop shrinking from the grand responsibility we have to ourselves and to one another to be great in all aspects of our lives and to lift as we climb. We are not obligated to live in the stereotypical shadow that has been written for us by people of a different melanin level. I'm reminded of the age old question 'If not us, who? If not now, when?' As a Delta Sigma Theta Honorary Past National President once said (paraphrase): This is not a dress rehearsal. We don't have time for play, for games, for practicing half speed. We have more talent, intelligence, and power than we know and use...and our time is NOW.
I don't know about you, but I am tired of just getting by rather than getting what my potential could earn me! It's time we all step up and start doing what's right instead of giving what's left. My new motto for the rest of the summer (courtesy Whitnee Pleasant who adopted the phrase from Transfomers) is: No Sacrifice, No Victory. I've won half the battle by admitting I had a problem...those of you who are also members of Procrastinators Anonymous, welcome! From this point on, I will sacrifice what I have to, to get where I need to go and everything that God wants for me! I will be victorious in the end, I will have my Thesis, my dream job, and the determination to keep my eyes on the prize. In short, I leave you with a few quotes that help get me through when I need motivation
"They that wait upon the Lord, He shall renew their strength. They shall mount up on wings as eagles, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." Frederick Douglass
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fearis that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness,that most frightens us.We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,talented and fabulous?Actually who are we not to be?You are a child of God.Your playing small doesn't serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinkingso that other peoplewon't feel insecure around you.We are all meant to shine as children do.We were born to make manifestthe glory of God that is within us.It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.And when we let our own light shine,we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson
Now swallow that for some morning soul food...good day
Friday, May 23, 2008
Wolves in Sheep's Clothes...
I probably should have wrote this blog a long time ago...
But silly me didn't realize just how transpired events (even until today) were shaping yet another lesson learned.
Who has ever heard the saying a 'nigga' is a 'nigga' (and excuse my language, but I just need to get my point across)? I can truly say I really thought I understood fully and completely well what this statement meant, but CLEARLY I hadn't.
Okay, let me lay it out here for yall (and this is for men and women both):
Who has ever thought that talking to or dating someone hinged on set criteria and prerequisites such as, status, beit monetary or reputation, educational background, moral standing, and/or career choice/path? I must willingly admit, that I was a firm believer in the standards I had set for the filter I used to weed out the men from the boys, the losers from the winners, the keepers from the keep it pushin'. I thought that with my trusty list of credentials, I would never come across those 'niggas' that KeKe 'nem from up the street were always dealing with. Ha ha ha, but oh contrare! Just like in the justice realm it is said 'innocent until proven guilty'...I was 'naive (borderline dumb) until proven wrong.'
As I said, I had a set list of my standards that I called myself never settling for so that I could never be hurt: The list is as follows:
1.) College Degree --> Bachelor's minimum but Graduate degree would be even better
2.) Nice car and House (or a desire to own a home within the next 3-5 years)
3.) Career not a job (there is a huge difference) or furthering his degree at the time
4.) No children preferably
5.) Real relationship with the Lord/able to be a spiritual partner
Now, those were my 5 basic bare minimum requirements as to what I was looking for in a mate (more here and there were added, however these were consistent). Using these rules, I actually dated 3-4 men who fit all of them. Here's where the rude awakening comes...they were all 'niggas'! Two were PhD students and were on track to making six figures! One was succesfully employed after receiving a graduate degree with a nice home. All of them claimed to have a right relationship with the Lord. And none of them had children. I thought surely that my Adam was somewhere in there! WRONG!! These turned out to be some of the grimiest, most trifling men I have encountered in my life. A mangy dog ridden with fleas is compliment compared to their kind! They lied, cheated, and manipulated all with the most innocent of smiles on their faces. So what is my point?
Don't think that just because you seemed to have found someone with high moral standing along with the career, education, and status to back it up that he (or she) is not a 'nigga.' Transcripts, paygrade, and the cost of a car have nothing to do with the make of a man (or woman). We as people like to pretend like it does, but it truly is mutually exclusive. A person is going to be who he or she wants to be regardless of his/her position in life. It may be fair to say that a person of good character with goals and determination, may live a life with such perks as a nice career, car, and house. But the converse just is not true whatsoever. It is highly inaccurate to say a person with a nice career, car, and house is probably of good moral character. And that is where the fallacy within my naive, young mind resided for almost 23 years.
For all of you reading this, take stock in this: Wolves in Sheep's Clothing may not be that hard to spot if you wise up and look at the way you are looking at things yourself. All wolves don't smell like wolves or hang with wolves. Just like all 'niggas' don't look like 'niggas' or neccesarily hang with them. I thought there was an easy way to make sure that I would never surround myself with a wolf, when actuality I was only increasing my chances of encountering wolves in sheep's clothing. So, re-evaluate how you choose your potential mates. Do not make it about credentials or prerequisites...you are not interviewing for a job. Instead, think about the very thing that cannot be bounded or held by a college degree or bought with money...LOVE. I am not saying that you shouldn't be concerned with the credentials I named earlier, clearly we all need security in knowing that our mate could provide for us; however, those cannot be the sole basis we use to find our mate. That is left up to God our maker and the love we decide to share with one another.
But silly me didn't realize just how transpired events (even until today) were shaping yet another lesson learned.
Who has ever heard the saying a 'nigga' is a 'nigga' (and excuse my language, but I just need to get my point across)? I can truly say I really thought I understood fully and completely well what this statement meant, but CLEARLY I hadn't.
Okay, let me lay it out here for yall (and this is for men and women both):
Who has ever thought that talking to or dating someone hinged on set criteria and prerequisites such as, status, beit monetary or reputation, educational background, moral standing, and/or career choice/path? I must willingly admit, that I was a firm believer in the standards I had set for the filter I used to weed out the men from the boys, the losers from the winners, the keepers from the keep it pushin'. I thought that with my trusty list of credentials, I would never come across those 'niggas' that KeKe 'nem from up the street were always dealing with. Ha ha ha, but oh contrare! Just like in the justice realm it is said 'innocent until proven guilty'...I was 'naive (borderline dumb) until proven wrong.'
As I said, I had a set list of my standards that I called myself never settling for so that I could never be hurt: The list is as follows:
1.) College Degree --> Bachelor's minimum but Graduate degree would be even better
2.) Nice car and House (or a desire to own a home within the next 3-5 years)
3.) Career not a job (there is a huge difference) or furthering his degree at the time
4.) No children preferably
5.) Real relationship with the Lord/able to be a spiritual partner
Now, those were my 5 basic bare minimum requirements as to what I was looking for in a mate (more here and there were added, however these were consistent). Using these rules, I actually dated 3-4 men who fit all of them. Here's where the rude awakening comes...they were all 'niggas'! Two were PhD students and were on track to making six figures! One was succesfully employed after receiving a graduate degree with a nice home. All of them claimed to have a right relationship with the Lord. And none of them had children. I thought surely that my Adam was somewhere in there! WRONG!! These turned out to be some of the grimiest, most trifling men I have encountered in my life. A mangy dog ridden with fleas is compliment compared to their kind! They lied, cheated, and manipulated all with the most innocent of smiles on their faces. So what is my point?
Don't think that just because you seemed to have found someone with high moral standing along with the career, education, and status to back it up that he (or she) is not a 'nigga.' Transcripts, paygrade, and the cost of a car have nothing to do with the make of a man (or woman). We as people like to pretend like it does, but it truly is mutually exclusive. A person is going to be who he or she wants to be regardless of his/her position in life. It may be fair to say that a person of good character with goals and determination, may live a life with such perks as a nice career, car, and house. But the converse just is not true whatsoever. It is highly inaccurate to say a person with a nice career, car, and house is probably of good moral character. And that is where the fallacy within my naive, young mind resided for almost 23 years.
For all of you reading this, take stock in this: Wolves in Sheep's Clothing may not be that hard to spot if you wise up and look at the way you are looking at things yourself. All wolves don't smell like wolves or hang with wolves. Just like all 'niggas' don't look like 'niggas' or neccesarily hang with them. I thought there was an easy way to make sure that I would never surround myself with a wolf, when actuality I was only increasing my chances of encountering wolves in sheep's clothing. So, re-evaluate how you choose your potential mates. Do not make it about credentials or prerequisites...you are not interviewing for a job. Instead, think about the very thing that cannot be bounded or held by a college degree or bought with money...LOVE. I am not saying that you shouldn't be concerned with the credentials I named earlier, clearly we all need security in knowing that our mate could provide for us; however, those cannot be the sole basis we use to find our mate. That is left up to God our maker and the love we decide to share with one another.
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