An Instant of Selfishness.

I never really considered myself to be a selfish person...but then again, before tonight, I guess I had never given it substantial thought. Tonight, I've been humbled yet again...and not at an easy cost.

You know how sometimes you can want something so bad that you soon find yourself with tunnel vision (perhaps without realizing it)? I found myself wanting to spend time with one of my friends today. We hadn't kicked it in a good while, and we had agreed we would try to hang out this weekend. I knew that my weekend would be rather relaxing, but still I looked forward to chill time with a good friend.

By the time 9 o'clock p.m. rolled around, and still no word...I became a little agitated. I had been looking forward to fellowshipping...clearly, I spend a lot of time on my own these days. Anyway, I tried to remain patient, but still my frustate-o-meter was rising ever so slightly with the progression of time.

Then, bam...I got the the text saying 'I won't be able to hang out, my Sister isn't responding.' My friend, whose Sister was in the hospital, now had way more to be thinking about than merely hanging out with me. I felt so bad. Why hadn't I considered all of this before? I had known that she was in the hospital. I had known that the family had come down to be with her. I had known that it wasn't anything minor...that she was seriously sick. But still, I was concerned with hanging out, socializing...only concerned about me and my time.

The cold realization that I would be devastated if my Brother was in the hospital, let alone maybe even going on to be with the Lord, made me sick to my stomach. And here I am texting to find out when we would be hanging out....as I so often say, WHO DOES THAT?

Rite about now, I feel slightly embarrassed. I didn't realize that I could be the least bit self-absorbed. I mean, I know we all have our moments...but goodness, am I slipping? I am resolving to always consider others before myself at all costs now. My Pastor always says in order to have JOY you must use J.O.Y. That means keeping Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself last...I guess that is a strategy I will have to employ much, much more in my life.

Final thought...if you haven't given much thought to being selfish, chances are you need to think about self less and become more selfless. Even the tiniest bit of being more concerned for yourself, if only for a moment, can make you lose sight of giving a second measure of concern for the welfare of others. I'm not saying that its not okay to never think about your own wants and needs, but just make sure that if other people are involved, that you think about their wants and needs just as much as, more than, or even before your own....an instant of selfishness, could be at the cost of someone else's life.